When Therapy Hurts: How My Negative Experiences Shaped the Way I Practice

Therapy is meant to be a place of healing, safety, and connection. But for me, like for many others, that hasn’t always been the case. I’ve had experiences as a client that left me feeling unseen, dismissed, and deeply discouraged. One of my early therapists actually fell asleep during a session. I remember sitting there, vulnerable and ready to share, only to realize I was speaking to someone who wasn’t even awake. It was invalidating and disheartening. Another time, before I had even met a therapist, I was charged a no-show fee after only interacting with her office staff. The whole experience felt impersonal, like I was just a name on a calendar rather than a person in need of care.

These moments shaped me. They reminded me of the kind of therapist I never wanted to be, and they became the foundation for the way I now practice: with presence, respect, warmth, and genuine human connection.

The Need to Be Seen and Heard

Maya Angelou once said:
“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

In my practice, I want every person I work with to feel seen, heard, and validated. Therapy is not just about tools or interventions, it’s about genuine connection. My hope is that clients feel this connection in every interaction, whether we are exploring painful memories, celebrating progress, or sharing a moment of laughter.

Boundaries with Care

I also know how important boundaries are in therapy. Healthy boundaries provide safety, structure, and consistency. But boundaries can be held with warmth, dignity, and respect. I aim to model boundaries that are clear and consistent, but never cold. Clients deserve to experience safety without losing the human connection that makes therapy healing.

Being Human Together

I am not a blank slate in the therapy room. I laugh with my clients. At times, I show emotion. I appropriately self-disclose when it can support the healing process. I cheer for my clients when they grow, and I grieve with them when life hurts. The therapeutic relationship is real, and I honor it as such.

One of the hardest parts of therapy is when it’s time to terminate. Goodbyes can be painful. But our shared goal is healing and independence, and I want clients to leave feeling ready to step forward with confidence. Even then, I make sure clients know they are always welcome back if they need support in the future.

Tools That Last

Many clients tell me that in past therapy experiences, they left without tools, without strategies to help them cope outside of sessions. I take this to heart. I am intentional about providing education, skills, and practices that clients can take with them to function at their best, independently. My goal is not just to provide relief in the moment, but to equip clients with lasting resources that empower them long after therapy ends.

Always Learning

Finally, I am committed to continually learning and growing as a practitioner. I engage in ongoing professional development to provide the highest quality of care. The field of mental health is always evolving, and so am I, because my clients deserve nothing less.

Closing Thoughts

Looking back, I can see how my negative experiences as a client shaped the way I show up as a therapist today. They reminded me of the profound responsibility I have to be present, to honor boundaries with compassion, to bring humanity into the room, and to equip clients with tools that last. While technique is important, it is nothing without connection. At the heart of the work is the simple truth Maya Angelou expressed so beautifully: people want to be seen, heard, and remembered for how they were made to feel. That truth guides me every single day.