The Four Agreements: A Path to a More Fulfilling Life

Jul 9

As a therapist, yoga instructor, mother, wife, and human being, I know firsthand how challenging it can be to show up for others while also showing up for yourself. I often tell my clients—and remind myself—that we are all a work in progress. Life invites us daily to grow, stretch, and heal.

One of the tools I return to often in my work and personal life is The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz (1997). This book offers simple but powerful wisdom based on ancient Toltec teachings, and it has become a foundational resource I share with clients who want to understand themselves, manage relationships, and live with more peace and less suffering.

Why “Don’t Take Anything Personally” Changed Everything for Me

Of the four agreements, the one I talk about most is the second: Don’t take anything personally. And truthfully, it’s the one I find that most people struggle with the most.

Clients often say, “But how can I not take it personally? It feels personal.” I’ve felt that too. When someone ignores you, lashes out, or withdraws—it feels like it’s about you. But often, it isn’t. It’s about what that person is carrying: their pain, their projections, their defenses.

This agreement doesn't mean we minimize our feelings or excuse harmful behavior. It simply invites us to pause and create space between our experiences and our interpretations. That space is where freedom lives.

In therapy, I help people notice the stories they’re telling themselves: “She didn’t text me back because I must’ve said something wrong.” We explore that voice and ask: What else could be true? In yoga, we practice noticing our emotional reactions without judgment. We breathe into discomfort, and learn to stay present without attaching to every thought or sensation.

A Quick Overview of The Four Agreements

For those unfamiliar with the book, here’s a brief summary of the agreements:

1. Be impeccable with your word

Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using words to speak against yourself or gossip about others. This includes your inner dialogue—how you speak to yourself matters.

2. Don’t take anything personally

Nothing others do is because of you. What people say and do is a reflection of their own reality. When you’re immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be unnecessarily hurt.

3. Don’t make assumptions

Find the courage to ask questions and express what you really want. Clear communication helps avoid misunderstandings, drama, and resentment.

4. Always do your best

Your best will change from moment to moment. It will be different when you’re well versus sick, energized versus exhausted. Do your best under any circumstance, and you’ll avoid regret and self-judgment.

These agreements are not about perfection—they’re about intention. They offer a roadmap for living with more clarity, love, and compassion.

A Yogic Bridge: Aparigraha & Inner Peace

These agreements also echo deeply with the teachings of yoga. In particular, the yogic principle of aparigraha—non-attachment or non-grasping—resonates with the idea of not taking things personally. Aparigraha teaches us to let go of expectations, control, and outcomes. It encourages us to trust that we are whole and enough, even when we release the need to be seen a certain way or to control how others behave.

Other yogic principles complement the agreements beautifully:

Ahimsa (non-harming) reminds us to offer kindness to ourselves and others.
Satya (truthfulness) grounds us in honesty and integrity.
Svadhyaya (self-study) invites us to turn inward with curiosity, reflection, and compassion.

When we practice these yogic values alongside the Four Agreements, we give ourselves permission to live more authentically, to release old patterns, and to come home to who we truly are.

You Are Worth the Peace You Crave

I don’t share these teachings because I’ve mastered them. I still catch myself making assumptions. I still take things personally sometimes. But I return to these principles because they help me find my way back—to myself, to peace, and to perspective.

If you're feeling overwhelmed by relationships, burdened by self-doubt, or caught in mental loops that are exhausting your spirit, know that you’re not alone. The journey toward less suffering and more fulfillment is not about getting it all right. It’s about becoming more aware, more compassionate, and more free.

And I’d be honored to walk with you on that path—through therapy, yoga, or simply in conversation.